Harry Potter and His Balls of Fire

Ok, so I like Harry Potter. In fact, I love Harry Potter. I love the movies, love the books even more. It’s wonderful good fun for all ages. I’ve seen people reading Harry books on the trains ranging in age anywhere from 7 to 75. They really are just completely entertaining and engaging books. But, I think that perhaps some people may take things a little too seriously when it comes to good old Harry.
This week, for instance, the media has been plastering pictures of Daniel Radcliffe (the ACTOR who plays Harry Potter) in the almost nude, promoting the new play he will be the star of in London.

(*I think he looks damn hot, which is crazy praise coming from a lesbian.*)

This play is called Equus, revolves around a young mans pathological obsession with horses and is lauded as one of the most significant plays of the past 40 years. So, a serious play requiring serious actors.
Now, I was a little surprised to see these pictures, not because of their content, but because I hadn’t heard anything about this yet. I think the promo pictures are done tastefully, while getting their point across. Now, from my understanding, the nudity in the play will only take place in one scene and is included more as a reference to exposing his soul than to anything of a sexual nature. However, there are people out there who do not agree with me. There are people out there who are HORRIFIED that Harry Potter should have the gall to expose his magic wand.

Here are some examples:

- “Moral decay at its finest.” (*Yes, Harry's wand is the source of moral decay in the land of titty bars and NASCAR.*)
- “Why can't he use a costume that "simulates" nudity instead of going all-out nude?” (*Of course, why didn't he think of that. He should just act like he was naked. Same crap, right?*)
- “Who is going to explain to the millions of young children what Harry Potter is doing up there in the buff?” (*Well son, Harry's got a different sort of wand in this play. And it doesn't shoot firebolts at Voldemort.*)
- "We as parents feel Daniel should not appear nude. Our nine-year-old son looks up to him as a role model. We are very disappointed and will avoid the future movies he makes." (*Shit, now we have to actually pay attention to our kids, rather than just sit them in front of the TV and hope that Harry will teach them how to be good humans.*)
- “I couldn't believe it! I was deeply shocked, not to mention disappointed! Harry Potter was my idol, I looked up to him but when that news came my heart just sank. I was so sad! I couldn't believe such a shy, loyal heroic actor could ever turn into a nude modeler. I want him to re-think his career. It's a shame he had to waste his life on nudity. I no longer look up to him. I thought he was genuine and sincere, a nice kind boy. But no longer do I look up to him, no way...” (*Waa, waa, waa. I've lost my idol to nudity. I can't believe he's nude. I always thought he took his showers fully clothed!*)

Are these people serious?!?! Do they not realize that Harry Potter does not actually, and in reality, EXIST?? He is a fictional character in a series of books. Harry Potter is not Daniel Radcliffe.

I think this quote, by a person who couldn’t give a crap if Harry waved his wand all over the place, sums it up best:
- “Earth to whining parents: the guy's name is Daniel Radcliffe, an actor. I'm thinking he's probably never been a real wizard. (*What do you mean? Wizards aren't real?!?!*) In reality he has, almost certainly, lost his virginity(*The horror!! Harry Potter can't fuck!!*), experimented with drugs and alcohol(*He would never do that. You must be confused with his butterbeer.*), used profanity, and, at some stage, wished that witless losers like you didn't make up the money-making majority of what has, unfortunately, become his established fan-base.”

Gotta love it.

Also, I think it’s hysterical that there are organizations that are setting up help-lines for depressed and disturbed readers who will fall into a deep and overwhelming depression after the seventh and final book comes out in July. The author has revealed that two more characters will die and these organizations fear that these as-of-yet-unknown deaths will contribute even more to the worldwide depression we are facing.
Fuck global warming. Harry Potter is going to do us all in.

(**) = my add-ins


ng said...

I don't know much about Harry Potter... However I am fascinated by the relationships young men form with farm animals. Please do see the movie The Mudge Boy.

leaner said...

I found your blog through Awakenings. This is hilarious stuff! If you chance upon it- watch the episode of Extras (British comedy) with Daniel Radcliff. The show itself isn't always funny, but that one... Oh. My. Made me laugh hard. (He spends the episode trying to get it on with one of the stars.) HAHAHAHAHAHA

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