I had an e-mail waiting for me when I got to work. The only words on it were these:
If you could make one miracle happen in your life, what would it be?
My response was so visceral, so instantaneous, and so absolutely clear that it nearly knocked me out of my chair. It was like I didn’t even have to consciously THINK about it. It was just there already. And I guess it shouldn’t come as such a surprise to me, because it’s not as though I’ve never thought about it before. I just never thought about it in terms of a miracle.
My one miracle in life would be for me and HH to be able to create a baby together. Difficult, seeing as we’re both women and all, but something I wish for with all my heart, nonetheless. I have no doubt in my mind whatsoever that we will HAVE kids. I just really wish that I didn’t have to use DNA from a stranger in order to do so. And I’m fully aware that any kid raised by us, will inherit our behaviors and habits and such, but I just would love to be able to carry a baby that came out with HH’s eyes in their little face. Or to have her carry a baby that came complete with a tiny bubble butt, like me.
I guess it just bothers me that any features our child will have, that didn’t come from whichever one of us carried them, will be found on some stranger out in the world. Some man will be out there, who has my son’s eyes or my daughters nose and he won’t even know about it.
I guess I’ve come to terms with this, to an extent and I’m positive that I’m going to love those kids to the fullest of my ability no matter what. But I guess there will always be that part of me that mourns over the fact that my DNA + HH’s DNA will never = baby.
But hey, it’s my miracle, and I’ll wish for it if I want to!